39. Cuestionario Proust
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por Iván Segura.

Imagen obtenida de Imitación a la vida.

Imagen obtenida de Imitación a la vida.

De todas las responsabilidades que atañen a quien decide tener un trabajo y una vida regular (casa-oficina-casa), la que más me gusta asumir es comprometerme con ignorar todos los pendientes. Y la consecuencia más agradable de ello es hacer lo que me viene en gana, por ejemplo, aplicar el Cuestionario Proust a tres amigos. Decidí mezclar las respuestas que más me gustaron. Un cadáver exquisitamente proustiano.

¿Cuál es su idea de perfecta felicidad?
Morderle la boca, apretarle el culo, lamerle los muslos, sentir su humedad.

¿Cuál es su gran miedo?
No encontrar la felicidad. 

¿Cuál es el rasgo que más le desagrada de sí mismo?
Mis ideas.

¿Cuál es el rasgo que más le desagrada de los demás?
La fe.

¿Quién es la persona viva a la que más admira?
La chica que nos ha servido el café, qué muslos.

¿Cuál es su mayor extravagancia?
Resignarme.   

¿Cuál es su estado de ánimo actual?
Desinterés.

¿Cuál considera que es la virtud más sobrevalorada?
La lealtad.

¿En qué ocasiones recurre a la mentira?
Siempre.

¿Qué es lo que menos le gusta de su aspecto?
El meñique de mi mano izquierda me parece particularmente inservible.

¿Qué persona viva le inspira más desprecio?
¿Por qué no cambias la pregunta a ¿qué persona viva le inspiro más desprecio?? Eso es algo que me gustaría saber.

¿Cuál es la cualidad que más le gusta en un hombre?
Su mujer.

¿Y la cualidad que más le gusta en una mujer?
Lunares en las tetas.

¿Qué palabras o frases utiliza con demasiada frecuencia?
Perdón, usualmente a las personas que quiero les pido perdón. Me da vergüenza que me correspondan.

¿Qué o quién es el gran amor de su vida?
Depende del auto, la noche, y el grado en el que me permita comerme su cuello.

¿Cuándo y dónde fue más feliz?
Cuando apagaron las luces y la música y seguimos bailando.

¿Qué talento le gustaría tener?
Un don para la venganza.     

Si pudiera cambiar una única cosa de usted, ¿qué elegiría?
Me gustaría saber cuándo detenerme.

¿Cuál, considera, es su gran logro?
Me encanta leer artículos en revistas rosas sobre las cosas que hacemos para que nuestras relaciones no funcionen y descubrir que yo hago todas.

Si fuese a morir y pudiera reencarnarse en otra persona o cosa, ¿qué sería?
El capitán del Titanic. 

¿Dónde le gustaría vivir?
Entre sus piernas.

¿Cuál es su bien más preciado?
Una foto familiar que tomaron el día que mi madre organizó una cena para conocer a mi novio. La expresión de incomodidad de mi padre es tan evidente que me hace feliz saber que no le gusta lo que soy.

¿Cuál es para usted la máxima expresión de la miseria?
La gente que no conoce el mar.

¿Cuál es su pasatiempo favorito?
Llegar tarde.

¿Cuál es su rasgo más característico?
La inestabilidad.

¿Qué es lo que más valora en sus amigos?
El cinismo.

¿Quiénes son sus escritores favoritos?
Los que nunca publican nada.

¿Quiénes son sus héroes reales?
La gente que llega a vieja y admite su infelicidad. 

¿Con qué personaje histórico se siente más identificado?
El perro de Napoleón.

¿Cuáles son sus nombres favoritos?
Los que digo después de decir te quiero.

¿Qué es lo que menos le gusta en el mundo?
La mesura.

¿Cuál es su gran pesar?
No tener el valor para que no me importe nada.

¿Cómo le gustaría morir?
Sin descendencia. 

¿Cuál es su lema?
Viva la vida a pesar de todo.

Sobre nosotros Iván Segura

Estudió –accidentalmente- la licenciatura de psicología.

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