40. De lo horrible que es acostarse a las 9 de la noche.

por Henoc Malvaroso.

Imagen obtenida de Cabaret Místico.

Son las 9 de la noche, me han chupado la sangre más de 10 zancudos. Estoy acostado, o quizás podría decir: tirado boca arriba esperando a que mi cuerpo se pudra poco a poco al pasar de los días, a que esta piel se convierta en un pliegue arrugado y lleno de verrugas. Si lo dijera así entonces no estoy acostado, estoy esperando la muerte, viendo (suponiendo también que todo hombre debe morir pasados los 80 años) mi descomposición. Reposo la vida. Mi cobija es un caldo seco de espermas, cultivado entre la tarima de la cama y las almohadas. Pues ¿qué más puede hacer un hombre para evitar sentirse angustiado, deprimido, tener un poco de aliento causado por el efímero placer que da la masturbación?

La noche, como todas las demás, sólo es posibilidad de tedio. Aprieto lo ojos para que no me duela, para no seguir angustiado. Esa maldita pregunta siempre me persigue pasadas las 9 y nunca se contesta, sólo me llena de miedo: esta afección fría mantiene mis dedos agarrados a las sábanas para confirmar mi apego a la realidad. Hoy estoy aquí y me niego a irme: la realidad pesa cuando uno sabe que se tiene que ir.

¿Por qué estoy aquí? La pregunta siempre llega de golpe y para su respuesta no tengo razones que la respondan, creo que la razón vale igual para cuando pregunto ¿por qué tengo que morir? Vivir y morir no tienen una respuesta suficiente. Tratamos de responderla y cuando menos lo esperamos nuestro cuerpo ya es una descomposición horrorosa que va perdiendo lucidez. Al final, ya cuando la memoria se convierte en una habitación para el olvido la respuesta que pudimos haber hecho sobre el sentido de nuestra vida se esfumará, nos traicionará, la memoria perderá la importancia de aquellas respuestas y este cuerpo se corromperá junto con mis esfuerzos por no desvanecer. Al final de los días la muerte será un golpe fuerte que no dará aviso a la conciencia, no habrá una conciencia porfiada a irse.

Sobre nosotros Revista Miseria

Espacio de desahogo reflexivo para aquéllos que se sienten desgraciados.

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